Get up, Dress up, Show up.
When I had the surgery I was working at CVS. I loved my job and everything I did for the company and my managers above me. CVS gave me a confidence I never had before. After the surgery though things changed. I was still heart broken and it was starting to affect my work and home life. I would cry everyday before work and literally stay in bed until I absolutely had to get up. Then on top of that my child care was not working out. So my husband said it was enough.
I was off work for a bit and was trying to heal. Although after the surgery I started drinking on a regular basis. I used to enjoyed a few beers with my best friend on the weekends and we would watch movies and such. It was around the same time that I lost her. I lost her as my friend. She had not been there with me through the surgery or healing at all. By the time I left my job I was drinking every night and I heard through other people that she had moved away.
An opportunity came up through a salon I had worked at before. It was just what I needed. I love doing hair. I love making people happy but, I was still drinking.
My husband was starting to worry. I was always up for the kids and everyone always had clean clothes but I was still drinking. One night I had drank way too much. There I was 33 years old having a relapse praying to the porcelain god alone. It took me a few days to level back out. I decided it was time to try and help my self.
This is how I saw it.
If I could make it through one day then I could try another day.
If I could make it through a week why not two.
why not three?
It was not easy. It hurt. I couldn't sleep. I had the shakes. I cried and couldn't stop rocking.
I made it 23 days. I didn't feel that I needed it to sleep anymore. I was not numb anymore. I could really see the amazing things if front of me I was trying to blur. I did a lot of talking, to anyone who would listen. It helped.
I am still struggling with depression. Now I take it one day at a time. One day in my sadness I came across a few motivational pictures on Pinterest . They said "No matter how you feel, Get up, Dress up, Show up, and never give up! It really spoke to me. I started making my own pictures and sending them to my husband. It has really made a difference for me. Even if I feel crappy and don't want to get out of bed. I have to. For my kids, my husband, my chickens, dogs, cat, For myself. Some days are easier than others and they show in the pictures. Hope you enjoy them. Maybe you could try it too..
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Nothing can prepare you for the call you get from your husband that after you finish your shift you will have to take him to hospital and sit in the ER for 6-8 hours and the be most likely admitted for at least a week. To tell him everything will be fine that you will be just fine with three kids and a full time job.
Nothing can change the feeling in your gut as you drive to the hospital that this isn't the right way. To look at him in pain and not be able to stop it.
No one can give you the right words to say to you children as to why daddy didn't come home from the hospital or why when we go see him we have to suit up like he is radioactive. To answer the hard questions like "will daddy ever be ok?"
No one can help you put on a face when others ask "How is he doing?" when NO he is not well but do they really want to hear it. To smile and say he is ok.
As I hang up the phone and try to wipe away the tears something inside me changes. I have to keep it in and push through my shift.
As we drop off the kids and get in the car i have to hold tight and think about how much better he will feel when hie comes home.
When I get home from a 10 hours at the hospital to get a few hours of sleep before i have to go back to work I hug each of our children and reassure them daddy will come back home better.
And when others ask how he is doing I smile and tell them “ He is not better yet, but he will be.He WIll Be Better.
For the past 7 years or so I have been fighting endometriosis . I went a few years not knowing what it was at all. I have always had long heavy menstrual cycles and never thought anything of it. Then the pain got worse. It was all the time and nothing I was doing would help. I had an exploratory laparoscopy in 2012 and we decided to hold off on any further steps as I wanted another child.
So in 2014 I had my IUD removed and we were soon Expecting our third child. Pregnancy was not easy as I was feeling pains I didn't with my other two pregnancies. My Ligaments were too loose and it was painful to walk most of the time. The Last few months I didn't work and couldn't really do much.
I really Wanted to go into labor naturally but I was getting too big and the doc wanted to induce me. Long story short I had to have an emergency cesarean section. It was so scary and yet one of the most amazing things i have ever experienced. With our little lanee the first moments up to an hour we had to hold her against our skin and it was exactly what i needed after the shock of and emergency c-section. I was afraid to go home after. I think I stayed 5 days.
One of the reasons we decided we were ready for another child was that I was just so done with all the endo pain. After I had her things were as normal as they could be after having a baby. I had another IUD put in till we could figure out what my next steps would be to eliminate endo symptoms. A couple months went by and I was still bleeding. I went back to my doctor and he acted like it was nothing. I was fed up.
I went to another gynecologist. She listened to everything I had to say. As the months went on we tried different things to stop the bleeding and nothing was helping. A different IUD, Hormones, Birth control, Nothing would stop it. Her Last options were to either try and push me into menopause hormonally (which is not a great idea as i'm already at high risk for breast, ovarian and uterine cancers) Or she could refer me to another doctor in her practice for a Hysterectomy. She is thinking that the endometriosis has advanced to Adenomyosis which explains all the other symptoms and the constant bleeding.
In less than two weeks I will be having the procedure. I am glad to not have to deal with the pain and bleeding anymore, and it will reduce my chances of cancer. Although there is a part of me that is heart broken to know I can no longer carry a child. Yes that is selfish, but i'm not perfect.
Saturday, October 8, 2016
So I just realized it has been a year since I posted a Friday night find. I have had blogging on the brain and today is a great day to get back in the habit! This week all I have been thinking about (other than blogging) is going to the park! I recently met a great friend at the park. We hit it off and so did our munchkins!
Since the weather is finally getting better we have been going every few days it seems . After all the running around we have some hungry kiddos. I found some great ideas for snacking at the park.
1: Picnic buffet. This is a wonderful idea. We love to do snacking buffet style and this is a great example of how to do it! Check out the other great ideas from this blog post!! (Link is under photo)
This is such a great idea . Not only does this make it easy to transport but it is a great snack for busy little people!
3: pinwheels. We absolutely love pinwheels. My new friend brought these to one of our park trips! Such a great power packed portable snack!
4: Snack Pack.I love this mix and match idea. And the containers are perfect!
5. 25 Snack Ideas : This link has a great round up of 25 awesome ideas !! But I love the idea of edible kabobs!! Perfect for little fingers!
Bonus: We love bubbles at the park . This link has the solution!
I hope you like these great ideas for a wonderful picnic at the park.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
About mid 2015 we found out that my mother in law was getting married ! Naturally I wanted to make a cake!! So the plan was that they would have a reception at home but get married at a beach. So I asked her what ideas she had. She said beach themed. We talked about a few things and as followers is what we came up with. I loved it and so did she.
The first thing that came to mind was chocolate seashells. I went to a few craft stores and found the mold. Then I picked up some candy melts.
I also had some gold dust that I thought would look good in the little creases of the shells. Then I got to work.
Here is a few pics of the process. Candy molds are fairly easy, I have done a few before. As soon as they came out of the frige I put a little gold powder on them.
So I didn't take any pictures of making the cake as it turned in to a really long cake due to a bad batch of cake mixes. I wound up making 3 tiers of yellow cake with a gradually changing blue from bottom to top.
Then we placed the seashells around and on the cake with tiny piped balls around each tier.
We then put a few gram crackers in the food processor and blended till they looked like sand. I think it turned out great.
For the very top I found a tiny bottle at hobby lobby and placed a note inside. It turned out to be a wonderful beach themed wedding reception cake. We were hearing praise about it for weeks!
Monday, November 2, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Flash sale Sunday 10/18 -Monday 10/26
Stop on in and see what's on sale!!